Monday, March 29, 2010

Oh. em. gee, darl, you look FAB. Like totes!



I'm sure you all must have at least one of those annoyingly vain girls on Facebook whose profile will reveal at the very least, 1000 pictures of them showcasing the exact same pose with identical facial expressions, the only variant being the degree of sluttiness exhibited by their outfits.

I can only gawk at the pretentiousness of these girls as I disgustedly write about them on here. Because, you know, I'm not pretentious or anything.

I digress. I can't believe I just said "I digress". I hate when people use that expression, it makes them sound like a presumptuous scholar. But I digress.

The issue at hand is over-rated, self-obsessed girls who take pictures of themselves in the bathrooms of swanky restaurants and/or sleazy clubs and upload them on Facebook, hoping that everyone will see how "gorjuss" they look while covered in pounds of grease paint and how wonderfully the bathroom's ambient lighting captures the artificial highlights in their over-treated hair. Magical.

If there was a guy even mildly interested in them, obviously, his intentions would be solidified after flipping through their 67th Facebook album, as he thinks to himself, "God damn it, how could I have been so stupid? How could I have not seen how beautiful she is from THE OTHER 66 albums? I'm going to pick up the phone and profess my love RIGHT NOW. Oh God, I can't wait. Ohhh yes. That feeeels goooooood. Ah. Damn. I came all over my [Insert comic superhero] boxers."

That's right, I went there.

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